Chapter 2 – Battle at Desert Quiju (ku – ju) - My story thats for english that I though ppl whould like to read. (still needs more revising)

Shaya stared at her enemy before her. Exhausted and with sweet dripping from her long black hair which was pulled back into a tight knot. She felt the adrenaline rushing through her bloodstream. She sheathed her blade from the demon sprawling to the ground dead with a massive wound through its chest. Only one minute ago, the entire field where she stood had been covered in demons, now it was a graveyard. Shaya took the feeling of excitement, the sheer thrill of what she had achieved, but it was not to last. Only a few seconds later, a hoard demons headed towards her, wanting revenge for their fallen comrades. She was going to enjoy this.
The war between Elves and demons had been raging since the dawn of time, and now the end is drawn to a close and our saviour has been chosen. She is one of main leaders of the Elves; Shaya had been trained since childhood. Now one of the most skilled in sword and hand-to-hand combat with agility beyond this world, she was the perfect warrior, and the Elves only hope as she was the chosen one.
The battlefield was like a desert, hot and dry, the clouds looking heavy with grief at the bloodshed and looked like that they wanted to weep, some grew angry about what has happen and started making echoing flashes appear, some even threw bolts of electricity to earth. They were not happy.
The hoard of demons, with their bloodthirsty and revengeful eyes, horned back, sword like tails swinging aimlessly while they were charging, with armoured helmets on their heads and deadly weapons equipped. The demons made all surrounding elves ran in fear; they knew they couldn’t defeat something like that. They all ran except Shaya, in fact she started running towards them, she drew out her two swords that were resting in the crossed sheaths on her back. As the first one came near she leaped right on to its head, she pushed the demon right into the ground, managing to strike it right through its back while she jumped again from the dead demon. She fell elegantly to the ground in a spiral formation so the demons around her were dead as she landed.
About 30 were dead all ready, the clouds couldn’t take it anymore and cried all over the battle field. Rain made the desert rock slippery and dangerous but it just cooled Shaya off. She stood there in the centre of about 1000 demons staring at her, holding one blade pointed to the sky and one blade pointed the ground, she ran straight ahead, slashing the first demon with the blade that was pointed to the ground, she swung stabbed the other blade into the demons chest, still not dead the demon grabbed hold of her and threw her. Shaya flew heading towards a demon about to catch her with its sword, but missed and instead he was falling to the ground with no head. Shaya skidded across the wet ground and sliced the legs of the demons in her way, she flung her sword into the ground and swinged herself into the air, and chanted “du ga kac er da”, immediately, there was a horrifying crashing, that sounded liked a women screaming, and it was. Shaya summoned the God of lightning – Thoress. She flew down and screamed again, all demons blocked their ears and shrieked in horror. Shaya grabbed onto Thoress and she flew back into the clouds. The demons on the ground were confused on what was going on and soon knew. About 2 seconds after Thoress flew above the clouds and the entire battle field was covered in a wave of electricity. The battle was over. Being able to summon a god, no elf can do that.
[list][*]

-continues-
But Shaya felt the heart of gravity on her chest, she fell and constucted her eyes onto the back of the God.
She attempted to grab onto the God, but failed.
Her body was implanted into the earth, no elf could survive that fall, and for the fall of this elf, came the fall of many others.

LOL SHE DIED XD

nice kish. I can't add that, its already like 644 words and the limit was 500

lol i know
i keep doing that.
only instead of 644 o.o
it was 4956 lol
and i just handed it in, unfinished X_X

lol. also does this snetance make sense?
The hoard of demons, with their bloodthirsty and revengeful eyes, horned back, sword like tails swinging aimlessly while they were charging, with armoured helmets on their heads and deadly weapons equipped.

not really
you dont know WHERE theyre coming from.
youre not sure if they are completely surrounding the girl

o.o ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh kay....
well errrrrmmm hrm...
demon slaghtering, god summoner, chosen battle elf o____o (overkiller?)
can you add the first chapter too, so i can know why teh hell, hell is breaking loose =/

maybe, if I can be bothered writing it. This is just for a english creative piece

plus you should really give a feeling before you give a situation.
like; Sweat dripped from her bang as her enemies stood before her.
it makes it more appealing to the reader.

ok, i've re down the 1st 2 lines of this so how does it sound now?

Sweat was dripping down her long black hair which was pulled back into a tight knot. Shaya stared exhausted before her enemy; she felt the adrenaline rushing through her bloodstream making her fatigue vanish. She sheathed her blade from the demon sprawling to the ground dead with a massive wound through its chest. Only one minute ago, the entire field where she stood had been covered in demons, now it was just a graveyard. Shaya took the feeling of excitement, the sheer thrill of what she had achieved, but it was not to last. Only a few seconds later, a hoard of demons headed towards her, wanting revenge for their fallen comrades. She was going to enjoy this.

Andejj06 wrote:

lol. also does this snetance make sense?
The hoard of demons, with their bloodthirsty and revengeful eyes, horned back, sword like tails swinging aimlessly while they were charging, with armoured helmets on their heads and deadly weapons equipped.

also three things
1) im to lazy to read this so if someone can give me a brief summery that would be greatly appreciated.
2) instead of "revengeful eyes" you should have "vengeful eyes" but thats just my opinion, and besides i dont think revengeful is a word...
3) and rag your right the more paragraphs the better cause this story looked bigger than it prob is

ty juso

oooh, nice story o.o
i wish i could stop being a lazy ass and write something DX

-gives pencil-
-starts story for ange-
-gives story-
-2 hours later-
-covered in thinking doodles-
=.=

-Facepalms-
CONCENTRATE DAMMIT

nah that would have literally happened ._.

-hits ange-
i hit girls DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRR

LMAO!!!
leave the girl alone!

-buyz millionz of textaz and sends to Angie's house-
ENJOY!!!

blaze7734 wrote:

-Facepalms-
CONCENTRATE DAMMIT

OMFG GIRL BASHER!!!!

D=
-twitch-
-twitch-
EXPLOSION
-shoves shotgun into larz's mouth-
-fires all shells into brain-
-blood splatter-
-goes to henesys-
-kills again-
-gets tired-
-sleeps-
-apologises for taking 10% from larz and killing him-

WTH I DIDNT WRITE THAT...............................................RAAAAAAG YOU LITTLE MUNCHKIN ILL KEEEEEEEEEEEL YOU

-crys in corner-
LARZ IS A MEANIEEEE TT~TT

NUUUU WAIT I DIDNT DO IT I WAS FRAMED X____X"""

-sobcrycorner-
TT~TT
TT~TT
TT~TT

-comforts-
its okay, larz is just evil...